Twisted

And in my eyes the tears remain.
Those who do not know, see that which floats on its surface. 
Those who do not know place judgement, carrying unholylike ways.

It is a tyrant, a thief in the night.  He who keeps me awake, she who judges this heart of mine.  Both who have not seen the dreary dam which houses pain and regret…where the depths are endless. 

This heart of mine…

Lessons learned…

Memories, they burn…

One who speaks so much of the truth, and holds this in regards to life, but who does not remember.

I may be worldly at times, but it is for God’s ways I am kept on check.  To stray at times to help me find my way back.

The lessons of patience, endurance, and love do not come without a price. 

My heart grows weary.  Trusting that one day the tears will stop, and that I may flee from judgement and torment.  It is not I taking advantage. 
It is I who weep.

Psalm 30:5
“For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Praying for peace. The pitter-patter sounds, the sounds of my heart are off beat.

Needle and Thread

It will probably be another sleepless night for me, and usually when this happens I tend to explore my thoughts, my emotions, and my ranting mind.  Talking with a friend the other day, I made a decision to keep a blog in circulation all throughout this lifetime.  My children, their children, will know the deepest emotions experienced within this mind of mine.  I fear not of this world.

Happy times ARE the easiest to speak about.  It takes immense courage to speak about the dark moments in life, and so I will write, and write, and write to build strength and wisdom.  Grace and Mercy are forever in reach- Let there be light.

 In thoughts from the visions of the night, when deep sleep falleth on men…  -Job 4:13, Bible

Everlasting are the memories we experience for this life we create.  Our existence depending on procreation, legacy, and history.  The heart of the matter…illusion vs. reality.

I read today that focusing on the positives and relating to the good can really get you through heartache in life.  I can agree with this statement.  And if I really think hard about that theory, you can move forward on a constant positive note!  Yet, why is it that I feel programmed, rather inspired by my hurt?  Just as it was created that in all evil reveals good, and in all good reveals evil, every attraction must attract the opposite.  Balance.

I understand more than the ancients, because I keep thy precepts.  -Psalms 119:100, Bible

As I type, my fingers slowly graze the keyboard, the cold air is seeping in and I fight to write.  In my solitude, in this moment I am reflecting.  A flashback of feelings, a herd of emotions…”In this very moment I am Queen.”  My bones ache as I revitalize.

In the depths of our souls, we scream to be understood.  Our hearts break, and in this time we find ourselves bound to understanding.  True hardships regarding matters of the heart are not limited, our hearts carry the capacity to heal.  To learn and grow forms wisdom, we must at times cast feelings of hurt.  In reflection, do not heed your heart to dwell.  That baby…is dangerous.

Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful…  -Proverbs 14:13, Bible

And so I yield way to a life of truth.  I welcome honesty once again.  With needle and thread, I sew patches to mend the countless holes on my heart.  I wash away the hurt with my salty tears, and water the very seeds of hope, faith, and love. I embrace sorrow as much as I do joy.  For this makes me real.  My children, their children, and children of theirs…do not lose yourself to society’s ways.  Humility is earned, wisdom is marvelous thus…be hungry and find your strength from within to face what you do not want to face.

Hurt- Leona Lewis

Shifting

2011, closing out and nearing 2012.

Learning to let go, learning to forgive, learning to move forward…S H I F T I N G.

Rewinding and relating…it’s a wreck at times.  At times I wish I could fast forward, because at times it is difficult to face.  Yet through it all, I have stood strong.  Strength not from the surface, but deep…deep down inside.  If only you knew.

A solider has been built within.  Bruised, Beaten, and a survivor.  She craves for Peace, for the war to diminish.

Things do not always work out for the better this I have learned.  This is the only way I’ve been able to truly learn how to adapt.  To think this way is difficult if you do not understand.  Walking a path of philosophical endeavors.

Drifting, Shifting, time is wasting and I am in no where ready to lose myself to changed focus.   I am not resistant to pain, so from the past I will learn.  Shifting forward…never again backwards.

Prayer::  My God- You know my heart.  You control the fire that burns within, and have faith in me.  I believe because of you. Love, the real kind of love, you give in an insatiable way.  I have struggled and at times still may do.  I have learned to trust you, to love you the right way, and I know of no other way to love than yours alone.  No one has given me permission to arrange me…no one except you.  I pray you keep me humble, strong and on a path of purity.  As I have grown to learn more and more about myself as the days come and go, I continue to gain passion, humility, and understanding.  This all because of you.  Do what is right and cause shift in my life.  I pray this prayer in my heart.  I pray you show love, and build faith in others around me.  I see the change and formation in my life…I know they will too, certainly.  -AMEN

I look high to the skies and am reminded of unadulterated beauty.

“Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used.” Richard E. Byrd